


Static Noise

by ix3thehpseries



Series: Maybe I Belong Among the Stars [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, but probably canon divergent, i mean NOT TECHNICALLY, so have a fic, the finale killed me i am writing from beyond the grave, this show makes me feel things and i am feeling upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ix3thehpseries/pseuds/ix3thehpseries
Summary: It takes them three weeks to get communications up and running, but only partially.Or: The Space Squad can hear all of Clarke's messages to them, but they can't respond.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know there's probably 80 other fics with this same premise, but I'm so upset that the Space Squad is gonna spend six years thinking Clarke's dead that I don't even care. I JUST WANT THEM TO KNOW SHE'S ALIVE. (Edit: This now has a [part two](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11011620) and a[part three](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11011620/chapters/24649968).)

Bellamy waits a week before he brings it up to Raven.

“Communications aren’t our main priority right now, Bellamy,” she says, barely looking up from where she’s bent over a mass of wires. The room she chose is part workshop, part bedroom and was filled with piles of parts within hours of them landing back on the Ark. There are papers filled with calculations and scribbled notes littered over every surface. Bellamy picks up the one lying next to her, something about the algae farm, and scans it.

“Everything went out during Praimfaya, that doesn’t mean that it’s still out. We might be able to communicate with the bunker.”

Raven finally looks up with him, hands still working on the wires, a look that’s a cross between pity and exasperation on her face. “That still doesn’t make it a priority.”

Bellamy huffs, running a hand through his hair and turning away. “It might be,” he says. “We might need them or they might need us. If that happens, isn’t it better to have already gotten communications up and running or to know that we’re on our own instead of scrambling when it happens?”

He hears her shift and when he turns back around, she’s put the wires down and has a new piece of paper in front of her. Her hand is flying across it, her writing barely legible. “Here,” she looks it over once before handing it to him. “Give this to Monty. He can work on them, but only after he’s finished with all the maintenance he’s doing today.”

She must see the surprise on his face because she continues, “You’re right. Jaha knows the Ark better than me and Monty and we don’t have anyone with medical knowledge up here. If we’re on our own, it’s better that we know sooner rather than later.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Raven says, already back to her previous task. “Tell Monty to start in the control room. That’s where Jaha launched the rest of the stations from and our best chance at getting any sort of communications working.”

***

They don’t get the communications up and running for another two weeks and even then it’s only partial.

They’re all gathered in the control room, Raven in front of them with a small smile on her face. There’s been trouble clearing the rubble that was left behind from the original Ark breaking apart and Monty’s concerned about the timeline of the algae farm, so any small piece of good news seems like cause for celebration.

“We’ll be able to hear anyone that sends something out,” Raven says, gesturing behind her. “I’ve got it scanning frequencies constantly, so if it picks something up, it’ll flip to the one that the signal is coming from immediately. We’ll all be able to hear it over the intercoms. That’s the good news.”

“What’s the bad news?” Emori asks. She’s wearing some of the Ark-issued clothing that they found left behind – cargo pants and a heavy jacket – looking more and more like she belongs in space. Standing next to Murphy, in a line with all the rest of them, it’s hard to think of her as a Grounder anymore.

“The bad news,” Monty says, stepping forward and taking a second to glance at Bellamy, “Is that we can’t communicate with them.”

“The whole point of getting communications up was so that we could talk to the bunker in an emergency-”

Raven cuts Bellamy off. “I know,” she says. “But there’s no way. We’d need someone on the ground to fix up their end of it. At least we’ll know if anyone tries to communicate with us.”

They file out slow and quiet. It’s been like that since they returned, a piece of bad news with every good. Monty puts a hand on Bellamy’s shoulder as they leave, squeezing gently. “I’m sorry.”

***

The next day, the intercom lets out a crack of static, loud and earsplitting, before cutting to a crackly voice “-Bellamy. It’s been three weeks now. Three weeks and one day.”

The sound of metal hitting metal echoes through the corridors. Murphy doesn’t bother to pick up the wrench.

“She’s alive,” Echo says, a note of quiet disbelief in her voice.

Emori nods. “The Nightblood-“

Echo shushes her as Clarke continues talking.

“I thought you guys might fix the communications, but maybe there wasn’t any way. Or maybe it’s not that high up on your list of things to do. Maybe you think I’m dead and there’s no point. Maybe you’re dead.”

There’s a pause, the crackly static filling the air again before Clarke’s voice comes back, much more solid. “You’re not dead. When I finally get to talk you, the first thing I’m going to do is tease Raven about how it only took me two weeks to get my radio working again, when it obviously took you longer.”

Another pause, this time punctuated with a sigh. “I have to go. I’ve got things that I need to do. We didn’t expect anyone would be living in the lab for an extended period of time, but here I am. I’ll try again tomorrow.”

The loud static in the silent ship is shocking, before the intercom goes silent again.

“She’s alive,” Echo says again, eyes wide. “Bellamy.”

It’s not hard to find someone in the limited space they’ve got and they run into Monty and Harper on the way to the control room.

They burst through the door with a clatter to find Bellamy standing in the middle of the room staring at the desk that Raven is swearing furiously under.

Monty’s the first one to move toward Bellamy. When he touches Bellamy’s shoulder, his knees buckle. Murphy’s quick to dart forward, slinging one of Bellamy’s arms over his shoulder.

“Hey, this is good,” he says as they lower Bellamy into a chair. “She’s alive.”

“She’s alone,” Bellamy says. “She’s going to be alone for the next five years.” His voice cracks and Monty and Murphy lock eyes before sharing a helpless look with the girls.

Raven swears loudly, pulling herself out from under the desk and slamming her hands on top of it.

“I can’t believe she got her side working and we got our side working, but we can’t get them working together,” she says, head hanging low.

“What do mean?” Harper asks. “Why can’t we get them working together?”

“I’d need to walk Clarke through it. And there’s no way to communicate with her.” She lets out a harsh laugh. “I can’t believe this.”

“She’s alive,” Echo says. “Even if we can’t communicate with her, she’s still alive.” She takes a second, waits until Bellamy and Raven are both looking at her to continue. “Wanheda… _Clarke_ is resourceful and she can take care of herself. She’ll be there when we go back.”

Bellamy and Raven share a look, both nodding. “And we will go back,” Bellamy says. “We’ll go back to her.”

***

“I finally went outside today. It’s been three months. I didn’t feel like I was dying when I stepped outside, so that’s good. They sky still looks weird and it’s hotter than it should be, but I was able to be outside. It’s so nice to be outside. I never realized how awful it felt to be cooped up in space until we got to Earth. I guess I shouldn’t complain though, you have four years and nine more months on the Ark. Sucks to be you.”

***

“Bellamy, you won’t believe this.” There’s a new tone in Clarke’s voice, something that’s a mix between awe and bafflement. “I found a kid. She’s about nine, I think, a Nightblood. She’s been on her own for the last six months. Her name is Madi. You don’t know how happy I am, to be able to talk to someone who actually talks back.”

There’s a pause and Clarke’s voice is muffled for a minute before coming back clear. “She doesn’t speak much English and my Trigedaslang isn’t the best after six months of no use, but we’re doing okay. I have to go, I’m gonna take her back to the lab with me, but we’ll radio again tomorrow.”

Her voice is back to that tone of awe when she says, quieter, “ _We_. I can’t believe I’m saying that.”

“Oh my god,” Harper says, breaking the silence that always follows Clarke’s updates. She’s still staring at the intercom. They all are, like if they stare hard enough they’ll be able to see the child that Clarke described.

“A nightblood child?” Emori says, quietly.

Bellamy’s got a half smile on his face when he says, “She’s not alone.”

“She found a Nightblood,” Monty says, a smile growing on his face, too. “That poor kid. It was bad enough when Clarke was in charge at the Dropship. She’s gonna be a hardass with this a nine-year-old.”

“It’s not like she’s really her mother,” Echo says.

“Doesn’t matter. Jasper called Clarke and Bellamy “Mom” and “Dad” when they weren’t around.”

“What?” Bellamy says, sharp, while Raven laughs loudly on the other side of the room.

Harper grins. “He wasn’t the only one. We didn’t do it a lot – we really didn’t have time to, when you think about it now. But for those few weeks, before everything really went to shit, we definitely thought of you guys as kind of surrogate parents.”

Bellamy shakes his head but there’s still a small smile on his face when he says, “Shut up.”

***

“It’s been six-hundred days. I tell Madi about you – all of you. I miss you all, so much. It’s nice though, to be able to talk about you. She can’t wait to meet Echo and Emori. I told her there’s Grounders in the bunker, too, but you guys seem more real to her. Sometimes I think she doesn’t really believe me, when I tell her there are other people who survived, that they’re just not here. It probably doesn’t help that it’s still over three years until you guys can come back. We’ll be waiting, though, when you do. It’ll be nice to see the look of surprise on Madi’s face when she sees that I’m right.”

***

“Hey, hey!” Murphy calls as Clarke’s voice crackles over the intercoms. “Add a column for me!” 

“I never thanked you. You stayed in Polis with me when we had the chance to leave. And you helped keep me alive when I was in the City of Light. You also held a knife to my throat on at least one occasion, but I did banish you. I’d say we’re probably even, by now. I hope you’re not being a jackass up there. I know you’ve been different since you met Emori, but please, don’t give Raven and Bellamy more to deal with than I’m sure they’ve already got.”

When her voice fades out, Murphy frowns. “She tells you how she misses you and Raven gets all kinds of praise about how amazing she is, but she just tells me not to be a jackass?”

“She told me I was too pure for this world and that I deserved to be the happiest person alive,” Monty adds.

“She was drunk,” Harper says, rolling her eyes, “It was the anniversary of when we left. She also told Echo that her pants were cool and that she wanted a tattoo when we came back down.”

“Still.”

“Hey, at least she talked to you,” Echo says, patting his arm. “Emori and I still haven’t gotten anything addressed to us.”

“She mentions you a lot, though,” Raven says. “Especially when she talks about Madi.”

“Would you quit it,” Bellamy says. “We’ve got work to do. The heating is acting up again and I’d really rather not freeze to death in space.”

“Don’t worry, Bell,” Murphy says, sending a grin his way, “You’re still in the lead. You’re beating Raven by almost a whole year’s worth.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes as he leaves the room, small toolbox in hand.

***

“Clarke’s sick,” The voice that comes over the intercom is unfamiliar and Bellamy chokes a little bit on his drink at the words she’s saying. “It’s nothing bad and I’m taking care of her, but she’s sleeping. I know she wouldn’t want to miss talking to you. Are you really up there? She says you are, but you never talk back to us. She says you have a small spaceship and that when it’s time, you’ll know. You’ll come back down to us. I hope you do.”

“Okay, I’ll say it,” Murphy says, breaking the heavy silence that hangs in the air. “I didn’t think she really found a kid. I thought she just went crazy.”

“John!” Emori chastises, shooting a quick look at Bellamy before glaring at Murphy.

“What? It’s true. Just because I’m the only one saying it that doesn’t mean I’m the only one that thought it.”

“She taught her how to work the radio,” Raven says, voice thick. “That’s good. I bet she’s teaching her a lot.”

“She tells her about us,” Harper says quietly. “About how we’re going to come back.” Her eyes are glossy and Monty slides an arm around her, squeezing.

“She really has someone down there,” Bellamy says, wide smile on his face.

“She does,” Echo says. Then she grins. “I bet she can’t wait to meet you. Clarke talks to you all the time, I bet she talks about you even more.”

“She’s probably sick of hearing about him,” Murphy says from the other side of the table. Bellamy rolls his eyes, but the tips of his ears are turning red.

“I really hope Clarke told her that you’re a total pain in the ass, too,” Raven says. “Gotta keep it realistic.”

***

“The animals are starting to come back, Monty. Most of them have more limbs than they’re supposed to, or glow in the dark, or look like they’ve actually been turned inside out, but they’re still back. I think it’s a good sign. I told Madi about the two-headed deer we saw when we first landed. It was with Octavia, Finn, and Jasper, when we were looking for Mount Weather, before Jasper got stabbed. Before we knew what Mount Weather really was. We were so happy to see the deer and then it turned and we saw the mutation. It was still beautiful though. I’m glad the animals are coming back. It means that you’ll be back soon.”

***

“Bellamy, we have a problem.” Bellamy doesn’t even look up from the papers on his desk, some notes Monty gave him on the algae farm.

“We always have a problem, Raven, what is it this time?” He’s smiling, tone teasing, but Raven doesn’t smile back. She shifts, crossing her arms, her mouth a grim line.

“We can’t get back to Earth.”

Bellamy pauses, still not looking up. “That’s not a new problem. We’ve had that problem. We’re going to fix it.”

“Bell,” she says quietly, getting his attention. “We can’t get back to her.”

“We will figure something out, Raven. We’ve got nine more months” His voice is hard. “We’re not spending the rest of our lives up here.”

“We have no way,” she says again. “I can’t fix it, I’ve tried thinking of everything, every possible solution, Bellamy.”

“Raven-“

“No! You can’t talk me around this one. I’ve tried everything. I want to get back down there just as much as you, but I can’t get us there.” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “We’re stuck up here.”

***

“It’s been a week. Madi was so excited, but now I think she’s starting to wonder. Fuck, I’m starting to wonder. Where are you guys? It’s safe to come back. Why aren’t you back? _Please come back_.”

***

“Turning the rover into something that we could live in would have been a lot easier with you here, Raven. You always know how to make things into other things.” Clarke pauses. “That sounded really dumb. You know what I mean. You’re just the best at this. I think we’ve got it ready to go though. We’re gonna head out tomorrow, but I’m taking the radio with us. I’ll keep you updated on where we are.”

“I can’t believe she’s still radioing,” Echo says. “It’s been a month since we were supposed to come back.”

“She has faith in us,” Monty says quietly. “And we’re gonna let her down.”

“There’s got to be a way.” Emori says. Raven opens her mouth, but Emori keeps talking. “I know that you said there isn’t, but there has to be. She stayed down there for us. We have to get back to her.”

Raven’s quiet for a minute. She shakes her head and lets out her breath in a huff before saying in a rush, “I have an idea, but it’s a longshot. And if it doesn’t work, we die.”

“That’s how ninety-nine percent of our plans work,” Murphy says. “What makes this one so different?”

“We can live up here,” Raven says. “We can live up here or we can try to get back to Earth. And there’s a high chance we’ll die.”

It’s quiet for a minute and Echo’s the first one to speak. “Let’s do it.”

Monty and Harper share a look. “We’re in,” Harper says.

“Us, too.”

“Oh, come on,” Murphy says. “You didn’t even look at me to see my opinion.” At Emori’s look, he’s quick to add, “I mean, obviously, we’re in. But it would be nice to act like you need to look at me to see if we’re in.”

Raven looks to Bellamy.

“What do we have to do?”

***

“Nevermind. I see you.”

It’s silent for a minute, and Murphy’s the one to finally break it.

“What the hell is she seeing? Because it’s not us.”

Suddenly, it’s all frantic movement. Raven leans over the computer, fingers flying over the keys, pulling up different pages

Echo’s peering out the window, like if she looks hard enough she’ll be able to see Clarke, when she asks “Who else is down there?” 

“Raven,” Bellamy says, tone urgent.

“I know!” she snaps, still clicking through pages. “Okay. There was a mining colony using prisoners as workers, a few other small space stations, a few rockers unaccounted for when the first bombs went off. Nobody ever contacted the Ark, though. There’s no records of communications or other survivors or anything.”

“Prisoners?” Monty says, going to stand over Raven’s shoulder at the computer. “There could prisoners landing on Earth right now?”

“We were technically prisoners,” Harper says, shooting a look toward Bellamy, “Maybe they won’t be that bad.”

“Maybe it’s not even them,” Murphy says. “We don’t know who she’s seeing.”

“She’ll realize it’s not us.” Bellamy says. He’s in the middle of the room, looking torn between the window and the computer. “She’ll realize it and fucking retreat into the woods to hide from whatever is coming down.”

Murphy shoots him a look. “That really sound like Clarke to you?”

Emori nudges him, glancing at Bellamy. “If she knows it’s not us, she’ll be hesitant, John.”

“One week.” Raven says, voice loud and calm. “Actually, less. Five days. That’s when we’ll have a window to land where Clarke is. To land in the green. If I get the launch perfect, we’ll be able to make it.”

She stands and stretches, surveying the group in front of her.

“One week.” Bellamy repeats.

“Pack your bags, boys and girls. We’re going back home.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is Clarke's POV to what’s already been written (Or, her version of events. I don’t use all the snippets from Bellamy’s POV and I’ve got some new stuff here, so it’s a bit different). I wasn't really planning to add a second chapter to this, but then I wrote out one of these scenes for a drabble and here we are 2,500+ words later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two drabble continuations of this fic right over here - [one](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11011620/chapters/24534774) of the Space Squad working to get the ship back down and a [reunion fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11011620/chapters/24649968) bc I had to. :p

Clarke burns for five days.

Five days of fading in and out of consciousness, fire racing across her skin, not knowing if she’s alive or in hell. It makes sense, in her brief moments of lucidity - she would burn for all that she’d done in her time on earth.

Then, she’s cold.

The pain is still there, all over the surface of her skin, but it doesn’t burn anymore. She shivers and vomits, though this time it’s bile, not blood. The computers kicked back on after the initial wave and the clock tells her that it takes an hour to sit upright and another two to drag herself to the scarce supply of food and water.

***

A little over two weeks later, when her sores have scabbed over and she’s grown used to the constant ache of her body, she fixes the radio. It syncs up with the satellite, which must still be standing, and a brief pop of static sounds before Clarke plays with the dial, tuning it and pressing the button before she speaks.

“Mom?” she says, her voice rough. She clears her throat before trying again. “Octavia? This is Clarke. This is Clarke Griffin and I’m – I’m in Becca’s lab. I’m alive. The others –“ She pauses, clears her throat again. “They’re in space. I couldn’t make it. Are you guys okay?”

She waits, asking for her mom and Octavia again, but no one answers.

After ten minutes she turns the dial, swallowing against the lump in her throat.

Clarke’s voice cracks when she says, “Bellamy?” She closes her eyes, waiting. “Bellamy?”

The large clock shows the minutes ticking by and Clarke takes a deep breath before speaking again. “Hey, Bellamy. It’s been three weeks now. Three weeks and one day.” She sighs, pulling her legs to her chest. She’d gone to sit on the sofa, hoping that she’d be able to make contact and would need somewhere to settle in for long conversations.

“I thought you guys might fix the communications, but maybe there wasn’t any way. Or maybe it’s not that high up on your list of things to do. Maybe you think I’m dead and there’s no point. Maybe you’re dead.”

Her voice catches and she lets out a shuddering breath. Clarke bites her lip and lets her head fall against the back of the couch before she continues, trying to convince herself that what she’s saying is true. “You’re not dead. When I finally get to talk to you, the first thing I’m going to do is tease Raven about how it only took me two weeks to get my radio working again, when it obviously took you longer.”

She sighs again, opening her eyes and looking around the room. “I have to go. I’ve got things that I need to do.” And it’s true, she does have things to do. She needs to figure out how she’s going to survive, but that hadn’t seemed as important as getting the radio working, as talking to her mom or her friends, as knowing that they were okay and that they’d be able to talk her through the next five years.

Clarke says goodbye, promising to try again tomorrow, and then stands. She can cry tonight, once she’s figured out what she’s going to do for the next five years.

***

It becomes a daily ritual. Check the food stores, check the water, have her slight rations, radio Bellamy, sketch, sleep, and repeat.

She gives up on the bunker after a month and once, after a frustrating afternoon of trying to understand the graphs of regrowth after Praimfaya, she addresses her message to Raven. But Bellamy is the constant. She tells him about her food stores, her sketches, her daily life. It helps, hearing her own voice out loud, even if he never answers her back.

“I sketched you today, Bell.” Clarke pauses, letting her fingers run over the sketch. His freckles aren’t perfect and the line of his jaw is a bit off, but that’s to be expected. It’s been two months and she’d left his sketch for last.

“I never called you that, when you were down here,” she says, her voice quiet but still echoing around the large lab. “I should have, it would have saved time. Your name takes so much time to say. Imagine how much more I could have said if I’d just called you ‘Bell’.”

***

“I’m going outside tomorrow, Bellamy.” Clarke says. She’s sprawled on the couch up in the office in the lab. She’s checked and double checked everything for tomorrow and she deserves the rest.

“I know you would tell me not to, but since you’re not actually here and I just have that little voice in my head that sounds like you telling me not to go out, I’m going to ignore it.” Clarke grins at her own joke, but it fades quickly when she realizes that she can’t quite remember the sound of Bellamy’s voice.

“I need to – I need to see it,” she says, gripping the radio a little tighter. “I fixed up my helmet and the radiation’s gone down enough that even if the suit doesn’t work the effects of it on me should be minor. I think.”

She pauses, closing her eyes tight as she imagines the sun. She won’t be able to feel it directly on her skin and it will probably still look wrong in the sky, like it did right before the death wave hit, but she’ll be seeing it. She’ll be able to see the sky. She’ll be able to see the dirt and the trees, or what’s left of them. She’ll be able to see something other than the lab, too bright and too empty for her to stand any longer.

“I’ll let you know how it goes.”

***

“Bell,” she says, her throat tight and tears in her eyes. “I miss you. I miss you all so much. All of you in space and everyone in the bunker.” She pauses, choking on a sob. “I didn’t know I was going to be alone. I thought I was going to die when I went up the radio tower, I didn’t know that I was going to be down here by myself.”

Clarke takes a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be alone. I just hear their screams all the time, even the ones I didn’t kill. I carved everyone’s names into the strap of my gun and it’s – it’s only the people that I knew by name and there’s still so many, so many that I’m responsible for-“

Her voice cracks and she loses it, the tears streaming down her cheeks. She doesn’t know how long she sits there, curled on the floor of the lab, sobbing so hard that her body shakes. She stays like that until she has no more tears, until she’s just left sniffling and exhausted.

“Maybe this is my punishment for what I’ve done. I thought I was in hell when I was burning those first few days, but this is worse.”

***

“Bellamy, you won’t believe this. I found a kid.”

Clarke takes a glance at Madi, who’s trailing slightly behind her. She ran into her a few hours ago. It had taken some time to coax Madi out of the shallow cave she’d hid in when she’d seen Clarke, but promises of food and a safe, warm place to sleep had worked wonders. She was still looking at Clarke with a mix of distrust and curiosity on her face, but every time Clarke looked back, she was still there.

“She’s about nine, I think, a Nightblood. She’s been on her own for the last six months. Her name is Madi.” Clarke doesn’t notice Madi glance up at the sound of her name and continues on, “You don’t know how happy I am, to be able to talk to someone who actually talks back.”

“ _Chon yu bilaik chichnes kom?_ ”

Clarke startles at the sound of Madi’s voice and scrambles for the words to explain. “Oh, my friends, um, _lukot_. _Kom the skai_.” She gestures up and Madi nods. “They had to leave because of the fire. _Emo gon we kos faya_.”

“ _Like ai parents_.”

“ _Sha_.”

Madi nods again and turns her attention back to the black remnants of forest around them. Clarke returns to the radio. “She doesn’t speak much English and my Trigedaslang isn’t the best after six months of no use, but we’re doing okay. I have to go, I’m gonna take her back to the lab with me, but we’ll radio again tomorrow.”

She pauses and she’s quieter, revenant, when she says, “ _We_. I can’t believe I’m saying that.”

***

Clarke starts waiting until Madi’s asleep to radio.

“Madi and I are finally starting to make some headway,” she says, sighing as she looks over at Madi. Her chest is rising and falling slowly and it makes Clarke’s heart squeeze in a way she hasn’t felt in a long time.

“I’m getting better at my Trigedasleng and she’s getting better at her English. It’s not as hard to communicate anymore.” Clarke pauses when Madi shifts in her sleep. “I don’t think she really trusts me yet. It’s been a few months, but I get it. I just wish I could get more out of her. All I know is that her parents left her before Praimfaya and that she stayed in the cave they left her in until she ran out of food.”

Clarke closes her eyes before continuing, quieter than before. “I’m- I’m afraid, Bellamy. Every kid I’ve interacted with on earth has died. Charlotte, Tris, Aden, Adria. Half the time it was my fault.”

“I don’t know how to take care of her and I’m afraid I’m going to fuck it up.” Clarke sighs. “This is one of the times that I really wish you would answer me. Not that I don’t always wish that, but I could use some advice and you’re the only person I would want it from.”

***

Once they’re finished unloading their backpacks and Madi’s settled at one of the desks with some paper, Clarke pulls out the radio.

“Hey, Bellamy. We’ve been out exploring again. We can’t go for long, so we only take trips that last about a week. Just to see what’s growing. There are areas where it’s starting to come back.”

“Tell them about the bugs we saw the other day,” Madi calls from her desk.

Clarke grins and does as she’s asked. “Madi wants me to tell you about the bugs we saw. They were cockroaches, I think?” she says, pitching her voice toward Madi in question.

“Yes,” Madi answers. “And the weeds. Don’t forget about the weeds.”

“And we saw weeds. Nothing too exciting pre-Praimfaya, but it was pretty nice to see a little bit of green. It’s been over three years, so we’re right on target with Raven’s predictions.”

***

“I talked to Bellamy,” Madi says, holding the cup up for Clarke. She chokes on the broth and Madi frowns at her. “You’re supposed to drink that, it will make you feel better. That’s what you told me when I got sick.”

“You talked to Bellamy?” Clarke asks.

“I knew you wouldn’t want to miss talking to him just because you were sick,” Madi explains. “I told him that he should answer us. Well, I told him that he should come down, but I know that he can’t because he doesn’t have Nightblood like us, so then I told him he should answer us. Then I said the same thing is Trigedaslang, in case Emori and Echo were with him. Then I told Raven to fix their radio.”

“Madi,” Clarke says, the reproach clear in her voice.

“You talk to them all the time,” Madi says. “I thought that it was good that I did it.”

“It was,” Clarke says, putting some effort behind her weak smile. “Thank you for talking to them for me. But it’s not their fault that they can’t come down yet and it’s not polite to tell people what to do.”

Madi rolls her eyes and grumbles, “You tell me what to do all the time.”

***

“I can’t wait to see you again, Bellamy,” Clarke says. She’s bouncing on the balls of her feet, smiling at nothing. The last few weeks, she always seems to be smiling at nothing.

“Only six more months. Then you can come back.”

“How do you know they’re going to come back?” Madi asks, frowning at the radio.

Clarke grin fades a little as she sets the radio down. “I don’t know,” she says, “But I believe in them. Bellamy and Raven and everyone up there, they didn’t want to leave. It was the only way they could survive. So when it’s safe down here, they’ll come back.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. If they’re up there, they’ll come back down.”

***

It’s been safe to come down for a week when Clarke breaks.

“It’s been a week. Madi was so excited, but now I think she’s starting to wonder.” Clarke pauses, shifts slightly, curling into herself. “Fuck, I’m starting to wonder. Where are you guys? It’s safe to come back. Why aren’t you back? _Please come back_.”

She can hear the hysteria in her voice as it rises and she tries to reign it in. Madi’s sleeping in the other room and she doesn’t want to wake her up, but it’s hard to choke back the sobs that are trying to claw their way out of her.

“ _Please_ , Bellamy, please. Please be alive, please come back. I need you. The deal was five years and you would come back and it wouldn’t be just me and Madi anymore, it would be all of you and my mom and everyone in the bunker. What happened to you?”

That’s what gets her. The tears finally spill and she puts a hand over her mouth to muffle the noise.

They were supposed to come back. She stayed so that they could go, so that they could survive. And the thought that they might not have – Clarke can’t face it.

***

Honestly, Clarke can’t believe it worked. She’s only halfway out of the back of the rover when she presses the button on the radio.

“We made it back to the mainland, Bell. We’re going to check the bunker tomorrow,” she says. “The raft that we made held up and we didn’t lose anything, which was a relief.”

She looks up to see Madi smiling brightly, pulling herself up to sit on the hood of the rover.

“Madi found it a lot more fun than I did. I was too busy worry about losing our supplies to ‘appreciate the pretty blue fish in the water’.” She pauses for a moment. “The fish aren’t glowing anymore. Just in case the reason you haven’t come back is related to not having a non-radioactive food supply.”

Clarke sighs. “Like I said, we’re going to make out way to the bunker. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

***

2,200 days. That’s how long Clarke’s been separated from her friends, from her family – from everyone except Madi and these new strangers.

For the first time since those early few weeks, Clarke doesn’t radio. She holds the radio close, but she doesn’t push the button. She’s not positive that the prison ship came down because they heard her directions to aim for the one spot of green, but it seems unlikely that it was a coincidence.

Instead, she cradles the radio to her chest while she talks.

“The dropship that landed yesterday – that wasn’t you – said it was a prison ship. A hundred people came out. I swear to God, Bellamy, it’s like déjà vu. Except me and Madi are the grounders and these prisoners are us. We’re not doing anything yet – I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to wait until you have more information to make a move – but we’re watching them. If they seem friendly I’ll try to talk to them, maybe they’ll be able to dig out the bunker. If not, then I’ll figure something else out.”

She sighs and her finger twitches over the button but she still doesn’t press it.

“I wish it had been you that came down.”

**Author's Note:**

> Cry with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/jorie_x) or [tumblr](http://fitnessandfandom.tumblr.com/). The finale has sent me into full-blown fandom hell.
> 
> Also, the series this is a part of is going to be all of my s5 spec fics/s5 canon divergence fics. So, anything dealing with s5 from now until the show comes out will be posted to this series.


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